Accéder au contenu principal

F is for Fashion

Fashion therapy.

I had just had an interview to be part of the student prefectural body, and was not “the chosen one.” That was sad, but I didn't care much about the position. What really broke me into pieces was that I jeopardized the only chance I had to talk to my little sister who was in another boarding school miles away. The tears blinded me as I ran to the dorms, and I cried my heart out.

After giving an outlet to the rawness inside, I had to put on a mask, and that was fashion. I took a long cold shower to wash away the brokenness, and I was left more of  an empty shell. I put on my short sky blue dress that showed way too much cleavage,adorned the dark red lipstick, and contoured my bloodshot eyes with pitch black eyeliner. That evening, everyone complimented my outfit, and no one saw that I was sad, broken, and empty.

Multiple times, the way I dress up reflect how I feel. When I'm happy I put on nice clothes but I don't do much of an effort. When I'm normal, with no excess emotional stress I just put on whatever I find near. I dress the best when I'm sad and broken. I put in so much effort to make the outside beautiful, so that people won't see what's happening in the inside.

Other than that, I find it fun and interesting putting together an outfit. it's like starting with a white canvas and filling it with colors and character. It's the purest form of art, because you're the canvas. 

Commentaires

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

Blake 11: a psychiatric hospital review

This one is from a while ago, so some details will be a bit here and there. The first time I was hospitalized for my mental illness, which is also the time I was diagnosed, I was at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH). The story of how I got there is in another blogpost. It was the 28th February 2018. I was sent to MGH for a wellness check. I rode with the MIT EMT. They did my labs and all my minerals and fluids were wack. I had spent almost two months without eating and drinking little water. Even though I got there around 10pm I wasn’t seen by a doctor until 2am.  That was because they were trying to give me fluids so that my levels would get close to normal. They also gave me food. A fruit bar and tuna sandwich.  When I met with the doctor, I broke into tears as one does. I told him the analogy of the tree falling in the forest but life/ death edition. We talked about lots of stuff. At the end of our discussion he told me I have bipolar disorder. I didn’t kn...

A letter to ggast class of 2017

Dear Gashora Girls Academy class of 2017, As I write this, I am in the MIT orientation. Last year at this exact time I was at home, sick. Less than a week earlier, I had a mental breakdown. The next day I was given permission to go home, and this marked the first of many trips I took home that term. I might have had a slightly different experience in the last term, but I believe I can give you some words of wisdom. Senior six (grade 12) was a frightening year for me. I was not a proactive person, and I liked​ to keep things to myself. Selling myself to a college seemed so hard for me. I had to talk to Mr John, our University counselor, do research, standardized tests, and all those things. I didn't know where to start. I was simply confused, so I stopped everything. I started the year with a 31 score in ACT practice, however, it went downhill from there. When I'm overwhelmed with multiple thing to do, I tend to freeze and not do anything at all. So I stopped ACT pract...

Impromptu Poems

1. They came to us running Lusting over our brains The pocketful of vegetables So slow yet so strong Full of savagery It couldn’t be compared So, we had to choose: Fight or flight Help or denial The weak or the strong. We wait for the weak And we lose ourselves We leave them behind, And we lose them forever. A dilemma Who to save? Who to leave? This was inspired from a debate motion saying," in case of a Zombie attack, do we wait for the weak" 2. Standing in front of us, They hold our brains Filling them up Opening them up All these new words The insane concepts The beauty of what lies ahead Quickly scribbling new teachings As if they were scriptures We seek to express But we are impressed How does someone know so much? This should be illegal Either way, it isn’t That’s where the beauty lies Written when I visited the beginner's class during the dreamers camp 2016