The first step of recovery

I closed my eyes, willing whoever was knocking away. I had spent so many days locked in my room. I wished the world away and ruminated over and over again about my place in anyone's life. To me, it seemed like my parents had done a great disservice by giving birth to me.

I could not see my place in the world, let alone MIT. However, I could not see myself going back home either, so I was in Limbo without belonging anywhere at all.

To keep the illusion going, I avoided daylight like the plague. I so badly wanted to believe that I could exist separate from the world, and the darkness of the night helped through this.

That is why, I half heard the knocks despite the fact that it was really loud. I was in a slumber, half asleep. It stopped for a while, and I thought I had duped them.

In reality they were giving me time to respond and I did not. Hearing the click of the door opening sent a wave of anxiety through my being. There was nowhere to hide anymore.

MIT police and the house director had been notified and requested to perform a wellness check on me. Looking back, I am surprised i slipped through the cracks this long. For two months I had rarely left my room, let alone go to classes.

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