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The Journey of my faith

I was baptized as a baby, on the first of January 2000. I can say that it was new millenia, century, year, month, week, day and me. There has been a lot of controversy around baptizing babies, as they don’t get a chance to decide whether or not they actually want to.

I was born and raised in the catholic church. I received all the primary sacraments- Baptism, Communion, Confession, and Confirmation. I never felt trapped into the faith, despite the flaws of the religion - I believe all religions do have some- I was attached to it. I used to joke that I was born and vaccinated with the catholic faith.

As I grew up, and experienced different stages of my growth, my faith fluctuated and sometimes it left me confused. The first three years of highschool were spent in a catholic school. Here, my faith was never challenged. However, it had no room to grow. I found myself doing things out of obligation and routine.

Things changed when I started Advanced level high school. The school was not affiliated with any religion, as a result we had a lot of leeway. At first, I went to mass regularly, and I even joined the choir for a while.

School happened in the las year of highschool, I was hosed and couldn't find time to go for choir rehearsals. Coupled with other stressors I was facing, my faith started deteriorating. This was during a period of awakening for everyone else. This made me feel uncomfortable and undeserving of God’s grace. Even though I knew all I needed was to come to God, it didn't feel right whenever I tried to.

After then, I have experienced such feelings twice. In addition to losing my faith then, I was also in a state of severe depression. Sometimes, I think my depression was due to the devil tempting me, and as a result, my faith as the flicker of light that gets me out of it. Moving forward, I want to learn how to influence, or even acknowledge these different phases so that I might be able to survive in this world.

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