Accéder au contenu principal

The Journey of my faith

I was baptized as a baby, on the first of January 2000. I can say that it was new millenia, century, year, month, week, day and me. There has been a lot of controversy around baptizing babies, as they don’t get a chance to decide whether or not they actually want to.

I was born and raised in the catholic church. I received all the primary sacraments- Baptism, Communion, Confession, and Confirmation. I never felt trapped into the faith, despite the flaws of the religion - I believe all religions do have some- I was attached to it. I used to joke that I was born and vaccinated with the catholic faith.

As I grew up, and experienced different stages of my growth, my faith fluctuated and sometimes it left me confused. The first three years of highschool were spent in a catholic school. Here, my faith was never challenged. However, it had no room to grow. I found myself doing things out of obligation and routine.

Things changed when I started Advanced level high school. The school was not affiliated with any religion, as a result we had a lot of leeway. At first, I went to mass regularly, and I even joined the choir for a while.

School happened in the las year of highschool, I was hosed and couldn't find time to go for choir rehearsals. Coupled with other stressors I was facing, my faith started deteriorating. This was during a period of awakening for everyone else. This made me feel uncomfortable and undeserving of God’s grace. Even though I knew all I needed was to come to God, it didn't feel right whenever I tried to.

After then, I have experienced such feelings twice. In addition to losing my faith then, I was also in a state of severe depression. Sometimes, I think my depression was due to the devil tempting me, and as a result, my faith as the flicker of light that gets me out of it. Moving forward, I want to learn how to influence, or even acknowledge these different phases so that I might be able to survive in this world.

Commentaires

Enregistrer un commentaire

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

Blake 11: a psychiatric hospital review

This one is from a while ago, so some details will be a bit here and there. The first time I was hospitalized for my mental illness, which is also the time I was diagnosed, I was at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH). The story of how I got there is in another blogpost. It was the 28th February 2018. I was sent to MGH for a wellness check. I rode with the MIT EMT. They did my labs and all my minerals and fluids were wack. I had spent almost two months without eating and drinking little water. Even though I got there around 10pm I wasn’t seen by a doctor until 2am.  That was because they were trying to give me fluids so that my levels would get close to normal. They also gave me food. A fruit bar and tuna sandwich.  When I met with the doctor, I broke into tears as one does. I told him the analogy of the tree falling in the forest but life/ death edition. We talked about lots of stuff. At the end of our discussion he told me I have bipolar disorder. I didn’t kn...
Enregistrer un commentaire
Lire la suite

Impromptu Poems

1. They came to us running Lusting over our brains The pocketful of vegetables So slow yet so strong Full of savagery It couldn’t be compared So, we had to choose: Fight or flight Help or denial The weak or the strong. We wait for the weak And we lose ourselves We leave them behind, And we lose them forever. A dilemma Who to save? Who to leave? This was inspired from a debate motion saying," in case of a Zombie attack, do we wait for the weak" 2. Standing in front of us, They hold our brains Filling them up Opening them up All these new words The insane concepts The beauty of what lies ahead Quickly scribbling new teachings As if they were scriptures We seek to express But we are impressed How does someone know so much? This should be illegal Either way, it isn’t That’s where the beauty lies Written when I visited the beginner's class during the dreamers camp 2016
2 commentaires
Lire la suite

Wednesday, my favorite

2013, GSNDL, Southern province Rwanda. Thank God it’s Wednesday (TGIW), for I simply love Wednesdays. This is the day we have the best classes, and the best food. I wake up energised, because Wednesday is close to Monday but still gives a promise of the weekend. I have creative performance in the afternoon, a class where we draw and sing and have fun. After that we go for sports, which I love a lot because we get a chance to get out of school grounds. Later on we go to peel cassavas near the kitchen. It I very fun because we are trying to stuff parts of cassavas in our pockets, while escaping the watchful eye of the matron. After peeling cassavas and keeping some to eat raw the next morning, we go for dinner-sweet potatoes, beans and tea. This is my favourite meal because every other day we eat rice or posho (food made of maize floor). 2016, GGAST, Eastern province, Rwanda. I am still in love with Wednesdays. We have only one class of math for the whole day! I have the rest of t...
Enregistrer un commentaire
Lire la suite