End of year, beginning of me?

As the year ends, people start with the “new year new me” sayings. Something I’ve never understood. It is just the next day with a different date and in a different year.

If I was to take last year as an example, it would show all this is a farce- in my reflections. December 31, 2017 was a cold and dark wintry day. I had not set foot outside in a week, had not eaten in slightly less than that time; but this is beside the point.

On that day ( honestly during that period) I was a confused human being. One would say I was having an existential crisis. The first thing that perplexed me was my choice of major. Decisions weren’t due until mid April, but it felt like a dark cloud hovering on top of me.

About the choice of majors, I wanted to do Mechanical engineering. Deep down, I knew it was the logical choice. However, I had doubts. What if I wanted it because it seemed to be the right path to take, what if people’s suggestions had muddled and morphed into mine?

Fast forward, December 31, 2018. A warm cloudy and rainy day in Kigali. I still am confused. I went ahead and declared course 2-A, Mechanical engineering with a concentration in arts. However I still question that choice. I am now leaning towards the humanities and social sciences. I strongly consider course 15 that includes either management or finance.

So back to the title, does the end of the year really means you are going to start a new one as a new being? What if the two consecutive years start with similar worries? Does this make me a failed human being or a mere human being?

I know I have to shed the old and embrace the new, but I also acknowledge there will always be old worries creeping up on me. So as the new year ends there is no beginning of a new me, merely the old me in a new year.