Accéder au contenu principal

Do I hate my body?

My body and I have a weird relationship. I tried to love it, but it did not love me back. In my tender age, it had the appearance and size of that of a grown woman. And I loathed it.

Just recently, as I was complaining about body shaming, a friend of mine hinted that I might have self hate. He was not completely wrong.

In high school, we used to play a game, one would name 3 body parts they loved the most. I could only name one- my nails.

It is very easy to hate the voluptuousness of my figure. To look in the mirror and see the 36 inch waist, the 52 inch hips, the 5ft2 height that coupled with weight makes my BMI way off.

However, I would be ignoring the joy I find in watching my shadow. The beauty of my lips layered with black lipstick. The sexiness of my bosom. The dark and uniqueness of my nails.

If I focus on what's wrong with me, I will be driven to loathe the one thing I am stuck with, the one thing layered with so many beautiful things

It would be so easy to look in the mirror, see all the imperfections and hate my body. However I choose love. I choose to find love in the arc of my body, the shape of my silhouette and all the little things that make me me.

Commentaires

Enregistrer un commentaire

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

Blake 11: a psychiatric hospital review

This one is from a while ago, so some details will be a bit here and there. The first time I was hospitalized for my mental illness, which is also the time I was diagnosed, I was at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH). The story of how I got there is in another blogpost. It was the 28th February 2018. I was sent to MGH for a wellness check. I rode with the MIT EMT. They did my labs and all my minerals and fluids were wack. I had spent almost two months without eating and drinking little water. Even though I got there around 10pm I wasn’t seen by a doctor until 2am.  That was because they were trying to give me fluids so that my levels would get close to normal. They also gave me food. A fruit bar and tuna sandwich.  When I met with the doctor, I broke into tears as one does. I told him the analogy of the tree falling in the forest but life/ death edition. We talked about lots of stuff. At the end of our discussion he told me I have bipolar disorder. I didn’t kn...
Enregistrer un commentaire
Lire la suite

AdMITted

It has been three weeks since I received the admission decision. It was on the fifteenth of December at 6:28 pm Eastern time. For those fond of Math you might have noticed that it was at two pi (3.14*2). Due to the time zones, I received the decision at 1:28 a.m. the next day. A month and a half ago, I finalised my application to Massachusetts Institute of Technology- the world leading university in STEM. After multiple essay edits, portfolio creation and video taking I was ready. I can call my application a leap of faith. The acceptance rate was less than eight per cent, and all the people who had applied from my school had not been admitted. I believed in myself though, and the non-restrictive early action application system inspired me. I avoided binding myself too much to the institution, for I did not want a heartache the moment the decision came. On multiple occasions, I build many backup plans and created schools of my dreams despite the fact that my dream school was MIT. I al...
Enregistrer un commentaire
Lire la suite

A letter to ggast class of 2017

Dear Gashora Girls Academy class of 2017, As I write this, I am in the MIT orientation. Last year at this exact time I was at home, sick. Less than a week earlier, I had a mental breakdown. The next day I was given permission to go home, and this marked the first of many trips I took home that term. I might have had a slightly different experience in the last term, but I believe I can give you some words of wisdom. Senior six (grade 12) was a frightening year for me. I was not a proactive person, and I liked​ to keep things to myself. Selling myself to a college seemed so hard for me. I had to talk to Mr John, our University counselor, do research, standardized tests, and all those things. I didn't know where to start. I was simply confused, so I stopped everything. I started the year with a 31 score in ACT practice, however, it went downhill from there. When I'm overwhelmed with multiple thing to do, I tend to freeze and not do anything at all. So I stopped ACT pract...
2 commentaires
Lire la suite