`My first MIT rejection.
One thing I have learned since my admission to MIT is that there are tons of things to apply to. I realized my MIT application for admission was one just the main door opening up to a multitude of other doors. Once I got in, I had to apply for the residence hall lottery, advising seminars, pre-orientation programs and many more. Most, if not all, of the application I did them last minute- apparently I am the queen of procrastination.
Most of my MIT ventures had been successful so far. I got into my first choice pre-orientation program- Discover Mechanical Engineering. I had started the application the day it was due, and had to write five essays. At first I was not planning to apply, but was indirectly influenced by a friend. DME was her first choice too, but she didn’t get it. I fully realized how much of a privilege it was when I talked to upperclassmen- course two majors- who had been rejected from the program.
The freshman evaluation essay which was less of an application, and more of a mandatory test turned out to be a success too. I almost compromised my mental wellbeing doing that test. We had three days to do the reading, and three more to write. I started on Saturday energized and all. Sunday I went to pray from 11 am to 7 pm. I couldn’t write evening for I was very tired. Monday was a disaster, and my last essay can be described as crappy- in gentle words. When the result came out, I could take any CI-H or CI-HW subject- the highest score one could get.
The application that was dearest to my heart was the MIT blogger’s application. The admission blogs were one of the things that made my love for MIT grow. They were like a bridge to a world I wanted to be a part of. In addition, I had my own blog running, and saw it as an opportunity to broaden my skills. I worked for days on the application essays. I sent them to various blogger/ writer friends to edit and give me feedback. I felt pretty confident about my application.
The email that would transition my day from the best to the worst came at 6pm. I was mentoring in the critical thinking for peace camp, and it was the last day. We had village time, talent show, and I was going to present my poem about fashion, design clothes and go on the runway. I had turned my favorite dark red scarf into a beautiful top, and put on a silver necklace. I felt beautiful delivering my ‘geeky’ fashion poem. At the end, I had a standing ovation and went back to sit in the audience. I opened my email, and the words that would break my heart most materialized in front of me.
Unfortunately, we didn't pick you, at least, not right now, and not for this job. It was hard. The blogger committee (made up of admissions staff and some current bloggers) talked a lot. There were a lot of possible decisions we could have made. We think we made the right ones, but it was hard to turn so many people (including you) away. You'd think it gets easier, given the job, but it never really does.
Despite this being the most gentle rejection letter I have ever seen, it still broke my heart in a zillion little pieces. I glued them together, only to be broken again. I sent a voice message to my “best” friend and just went back to my mourning. I put on a headscarf, and distanced myself from other people, for I didn’t want them to see my grief. I missed on the most fun activities of the camp, because I wanted to nurse my little broken heart. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
I took me a few days to get be fine again, and read that email without breaking down. I learnt to conceptualize. It was a hard thing to do, acknowledging that not being an MIT blogger for the moment shouldn’t stop me from pursuing my passion. Also, I had to accept and remember that not all answers I get will be yes. I should be ready to get the occasional no, and be able to deal with it.
One thing I have learned since my admission to MIT is that there are tons of things to apply to. I realized my MIT application for admission was one just the main door opening up to a multitude of other doors. Once I got in, I had to apply for the residence hall lottery, advising seminars, pre-orientation programs and many more. Most, if not all, of the application I did them last minute- apparently I am the queen of procrastination.
Most of my MIT ventures had been successful so far. I got into my first choice pre-orientation program- Discover Mechanical Engineering. I had started the application the day it was due, and had to write five essays. At first I was not planning to apply, but was indirectly influenced by a friend. DME was her first choice too, but she didn’t get it. I fully realized how much of a privilege it was when I talked to upperclassmen- course two majors- who had been rejected from the program.
The freshman evaluation essay which was less of an application, and more of a mandatory test turned out to be a success too. I almost compromised my mental wellbeing doing that test. We had three days to do the reading, and three more to write. I started on Saturday energized and all. Sunday I went to pray from 11 am to 7 pm. I couldn’t write evening for I was very tired. Monday was a disaster, and my last essay can be described as crappy- in gentle words. When the result came out, I could take any CI-H or CI-HW subject- the highest score one could get.
The application that was dearest to my heart was the MIT blogger’s application. The admission blogs were one of the things that made my love for MIT grow. They were like a bridge to a world I wanted to be a part of. In addition, I had my own blog running, and saw it as an opportunity to broaden my skills. I worked for days on the application essays. I sent them to various blogger/ writer friends to edit and give me feedback. I felt pretty confident about my application.
The email that would transition my day from the best to the worst came at 6pm. I was mentoring in the critical thinking for peace camp, and it was the last day. We had village time, talent show, and I was going to present my poem about fashion, design clothes and go on the runway. I had turned my favorite dark red scarf into a beautiful top, and put on a silver necklace. I felt beautiful delivering my ‘geeky’ fashion poem. At the end, I had a standing ovation and went back to sit in the audience. I opened my email, and the words that would break my heart most materialized in front of me.
Unfortunately, we didn't pick you, at least, not right now, and not for this job. It was hard. The blogger committee (made up of admissions staff and some current bloggers) talked a lot. There were a lot of possible decisions we could have made. We think we made the right ones, but it was hard to turn so many people (including you) away. You'd think it gets easier, given the job, but it never really does.
Despite this being the most gentle rejection letter I have ever seen, it still broke my heart in a zillion little pieces. I glued them together, only to be broken again. I sent a voice message to my “best” friend and just went back to my mourning. I put on a headscarf, and distanced myself from other people, for I didn’t want them to see my grief. I missed on the most fun activities of the camp, because I wanted to nurse my little broken heart. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
I took me a few days to get be fine again, and read that email without breaking down. I learnt to conceptualize. It was a hard thing to do, acknowledging that not being an MIT blogger for the moment shouldn’t stop me from pursuing my passion. Also, I had to accept and remember that not all answers I get will be yes. I should be ready to get the occasional no, and be able to deal with it.
Nah you got one thing wrong...you're not the fucking queen of procrastination. I am the goddamn king of that kingdom. Umva uko mbivuga as if it is something to be proud of. I getcha, though. Rejections make us stronger mwan... cliche, I know. But it's the truth. Keep up the good work, dear.
RépondreSupprimer