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Explaining my depression to my sister

Sister love,
I felt it the uncountable number of time you dug your very long nails into my butt tryna wake me up.
I heard you call me six hundred and sixty six times or more.
I sensed your footsteps on your way into my room.
Yet I did not wake up, didn’t show any sign of life.
When it felt like too much, I gave you a very weak yes, meaning just let me sleep.
However you took it as an invitation, an invitation to start lecturing me, giving me ultimatums.
“You have two options,” you said in your most stern voice. “Either you wake up by peace, or I shall evict you from that bed and throw you out God knows I can!”

In a more insisting voice, I tell you I can’t do wake up. At this time I’ve run out of excuses. I had the headaches, stomach pain, PMS and I couldn’t come up with another one.
On a more serious final tone, you take the covers away and leave me to fend for myself. I sleep for a while and go back to take the covers and sleep again.

This, love, was not me acting out. This was not me being a bitch or a brat. This was me fighting demons way bigger and more devilish than I’ve ever had. It was me trying so hard to live but being compelled not to.

Love, I cant explain how it works, when it comes or how. All I know is that some days waking up is harder than others. Some days living is harder than others; and it sucks being only Human.

Commentaires

  1. Unknown24 septembre 2018 à 10:42

    emotionally captivating!! that first line, though--my mind went places hahahahahahahahahahaha. Feel and get better soon. Just remember, man, that out here there are people rooting, and there, for you. Never forget that!!

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