Accéder au contenu principal

The second step of recovery, on being involuntarily hospitalized

Tok! Tok! Tok!
TOK! TOK! TOK!
TOK! TOK! TOK!

The knocking only got louder, I could tell it was not the GRT, Andras. It was a monday evening, and I had spent 10 days without leaving my room, without eating or doing any hygienic activities. I barely drank water, usually in the dead of the night when everyone was asleep.
MIT is a school that never sleeps, so it was quite hard to find that time when everyone was asleep, but I had mastered that art.

I hadn’t checked my emails since the wednesday before because I knew the GRT, S^3, and my professors would reach out. I did not want to see that people were worried about me, this would make my situation real and more distressing.

I knew things were bad when my dad called and I did not take it. I watched the phone ring, and then closed my eyes wishing it to stop. The only person I usually talked to, my little sister, was so desperate she sent me an email- she doesn’t usually use email.

Tok! Tok! Tok!
TOK! TOK! TOK!
TOK! TOK! TOK!

BAM!!!
My door was propped open. I knew immediately it was MIT police. I had always wondered what they would have done if they found a lifeless body. My heart sank because they found a starved, sleep deprived and depressed hollow being I had turned into. However, I still tried to assure them I was fine.

They had called an ambulance, and we waited for it. Even though I had insisted I could walk myself to the ambulance, I had a lot of trouble going down the stairs. I was so tired and sad. In that moment, I just didn’t know what my life was turning into.

I thought I would be taken to MIT medical and then go back to MacGregor, and I would try to pick up the pieces of what remained of my existence.

Instead, I was taken to Mass General Hospital. They took my vitals, and everything was just terrible. My blood sugar was half the normal rate, I had lost 30 pounds, and my heart rate was extremely high.

I couldn’t meet with a psychiatrist until 2 a.m because they had to bring up my blood sugar and increase my fluids.

I broke down when I met the psychiatrist. I told him almost everything, of course I kept the most horrid details to myself. To this time, no one really knows what goes on inside my head. He was nice though, and I felt safe. He told me I had bipolar disorder.

My mind was a blur, it was finally confirmed that my mind was messed up. My mind is the second thing I love most about me, but this made me question everything I have ever done in my life.

Commentaires

Enregistrer un commentaire

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

Blake 11: a psychiatric hospital review

This one is from a while ago, so some details will be a bit here and there. The first time I was hospitalized for my mental illness, which is also the time I was diagnosed, I was at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH). The story of how I got there is in another blogpost. It was the 28th February 2018. I was sent to MGH for a wellness check. I rode with the MIT EMT. They did my labs and all my minerals and fluids were wack. I had spent almost two months without eating and drinking little water. Even though I got there around 10pm I wasn’t seen by a doctor until 2am.  That was because they were trying to give me fluids so that my levels would get close to normal. They also gave me food. A fruit bar and tuna sandwich.  When I met with the doctor, I broke into tears as one does. I told him the analogy of the tree falling in the forest but life/ death edition. We talked about lots of stuff. At the end of our discussion he told me I have bipolar disorder. I didn’t kn...
Enregistrer un commentaire
Lire la suite

A letter to ggast class of 2017

Dear Gashora Girls Academy class of 2017, As I write this, I am in the MIT orientation. Last year at this exact time I was at home, sick. Less than a week earlier, I had a mental breakdown. The next day I was given permission to go home, and this marked the first of many trips I took home that term. I might have had a slightly different experience in the last term, but I believe I can give you some words of wisdom. Senior six (grade 12) was a frightening year for me. I was not a proactive person, and I liked​ to keep things to myself. Selling myself to a college seemed so hard for me. I had to talk to Mr John, our University counselor, do research, standardized tests, and all those things. I didn't know where to start. I was simply confused, so I stopped everything. I started the year with a 31 score in ACT practice, however, it went downhill from there. When I'm overwhelmed with multiple thing to do, I tend to freeze and not do anything at all. So I stopped ACT pract...
2 commentaires
Lire la suite

À Dieu

Almost a year ago, I started this blog. My first blog, learn from your friend's mistakes, was written after a particularly traumatizing night. I experienced extreme pain in the night of the twenty fifth of August last year. During that night, I realised I had been overworking myself for naught. College did matter, National exams did matter; however my life mattered more. I had no valid reason to neglect my mental and physical well-being. I wanted the whole world to know, most especially my peers, that all these things we sweat for are just vanity and chasing after the wind. I chased after the wind too. I studied too hard and forgot life was not just about academics. It was also about sitting next to my best friends and cracking jokes. It meant going to ask for food in the break time and enjoying that exquisiteness. Life is all about creating memories, making lasting bonds. That is something I learned a little late, but not too late. A few months prior, I had distanced myself from...
4 commentaires
Lire la suite