uMwizerwa wa Ngoboka

Sister love, I felt it the uncountable number of time you dug your very long nails into my butt tryna wake me up. I heard you call me six hundred and sixty six times or more. I sensed your footsteps on your way into my room. Yet I did not wake up, didn’t show any sign of life. When it felt like too much, I gave you a very weak yes, meaning just let me sleep. However you took it as an invitation, an invitation to start lecturing me, giving me ultimatums. “You have two options,” you said in your most stern voice. “Either you wake up by peace, or I shall evict you from that bed and throw you out God knows I can!” In a more insisting voice, I tell you I can’t do wake up. At this time I’ve run out of excuses. I had the headaches, stomach pain, PMS and I couldn’t come up with another one. On a more serious final tone, you take the covers away and leave me to fend for myself. I sleep for a while and go back to take the covers and sleep again. This, love, was not me a...

After hours of waiting, the doctor was finally able to see me. I was apprehensive of what would come next, but I entered anyways- I had no other choice. Walking was really hard for me, I wished I had wings to carry me. I couldn’t tell the psychiatrist what was going on with me, instead I made analogies about trees falling. If a tree fell in a forest, and no one was there, does it make a sound? Even better, if a tree fell in a forest and no one saw it, did it really fall? I was the tree in my monologue, and I wondered what would happen if I was no more. I had experienced imposter syndrome in highschool, and i thought i had grown used to it. I thought, it wouldn’t be as crushing as it turned out to be. Despite passing all the classes I took in the fall, it didn’t feel like an accomplishment. Instead, I braced myself for failure to hit me straight in the face. Winter break came, and everyone left for home or other more interesting things. I stayed looked in my room. When my food...

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. My name is Mwizerwa, a Kinyarwanda world for ‘trustworthy’, and I have lived it for most times. In grade 4, I was given the position of class captain because of my name and academic excellence. I despised that post, but I had no other choice but to accept it because that was what was expected of me. Things turned from bad to worse when I was punished in front of the whole class to set an example. I hated it, and I hated everything that had turned me into a class captain. The following years, I drifted away. I never participated in any school activities for fear that I would be noticed. Secondary school was no different; I had gained weight and turned into a social disaster. I had no friends, and did not feel good in my skin. I started starving myself, mainly because the food was ...

Dear mania, Thank you. Thank you for letting me discover my true self. The first time I met you, you told me I could survive on two hours of sleep. Two weeks passed, the most productive weeks I have ever had in my life. I wrote multiple college essays, finalized my agricultural project and worked on my academics. I felt I had a superpower, you were my super power, until you were not. On a Thursday evening, my head let go. You and I had used it to its farthest limit and it just couldn’t go on any more. You stayed despite that , and you taught me how to plan ahead, how to be proactive, how to be a leader. The second time I met you, you helped me make the most lasting friendships. I met new people and actually loved them. I shared part of myself I wouldn’t normally share, as a result I got part of other people too. I liked how you made me give back to the community. I mentored in two camps and had amazing trainees. I taught them how to appeal to colleges and how to be peac...

I woke up super excited. The summit is finally happening. I dressed up real fancy, and went to the Ronald Reagan building where the summit will take place at for two days. Breakfast was heavenly, however my body told me something was wrong. I ended up having a full blown mental crisis and I had to sleep through more than half the conference that day. However, I feel like I learnt a lot from the tiny half of the conference I was able to attend.  Alyssa Carson, an astronaut in training, talked about pursuing one’s passion. She said that the only reason why she got this far was because she started working on her love for space very early. One of my favorite quote from the talk is about fear; it says “fear is a figment of our imagination, it is not real. Courage is not the absense of fear, it is feeling the fear and doing it anyways.” Monique Coleman, famous from highschool musical, delivered a very emotional and powerful speech. She talked about her project that started as a failu...

There is a period of time when my sister was very sickly. She went to the hospital every weekend, and I made fun of her in that sisterly way. I told her she was a pirated/ duplicated version of a human being. Little did I know I will be in a way worse situation. It all started with a visit at MIT urgent care. I had just had a crisis in my first week of being in Cambridge.  This sounds weird whenever I tell it to people, but I’ll just drop it here: when I am tired, I cry uncontrollably. It just makes me less tired, however I come out with a horrible headache. I was on my way to MIT mental when that happened. The nurse in charge thought I probably had some trauma when I cried as she tried to listen to my breathing. Fast forward, end of freshman year.  Right after I did my last final exam. I met with my psychiatrist. To this day, he hasn’t told me if I have bipolar disorder or not; despite the fact that I have had experience that point towards it.  I take five d...

When I first saw the email inviting WiSci alumni for the girl-up summit, I was like Okay. After my favorite closest friend talked me into applying, I was like Heck yeah!!!!! I never thought I would be selected, despite that I was very honest while applying- something I learnt during college applications. I had just gotten two rejection from a jobs I had applied to, so I braced myself for more. I was elated when I received an email telling me I had been selected. After being selected, I decided to reflect a lot about female empowerment and relationships. This explains the posts I have been writing lately: the female predicament, Hi I’m a hoe, and feminism part 2. I have more upcoming posts planned about feminism and the female condition and other women stuff. I am extremely excited about the conference. In addition to being interested in women’s issues, I am planning to concentrate/minor in Women and Gender Studies (WGS).  Just like in most systems of oppressions, women h...