uMwizerwa wa Ngoboka

As the year ends, people start with the “new year new me” sayings. Something I’ve never understood. It is just the next day with a different date and in a different year. If I was to take last year as an example, it would show all this is a farce- in my reflections. December 31, 2017 was a cold and dark wintry day. I had not set foot outside in a week, had not eaten in slightly less than that time; but this is beside the point. On that day ( honestly during that period) I was a confused human being. One would say I was having an existential crisis. The first thing that perplexed me was my choice of major. Decisions weren’t due until mid April, but it felt like a dark cloud hovering on top of me. About the choice of majors, I wanted to do Mechanical engineering. Deep down, I knew it was the logical choice. However, I had doubts. What if I wanted it because it seemed to be the right path to take, what if people’s suggestions had muddled and morphed into mine? Fast forward, D...

Disclaimer: just wanna share my experience, some whining and lots of complaining will be included. Not gonna say it’s the worst experience in the world, but it’s my worst experience so far. Dec 15, 1:00 am : my alarm just went off, I don’t really want to wake up so I give myself 30 extra minutes. I still have food to eat, final stuff to pack, a shower to take and other knick knacks. 2:30 am : I just finished checking out, tears are threatening to fall. To think I won’t be back in nine months or more. I called a Lyft and I’m surprised to find it’s 2 min away. I bring down my bags painstakingly, all three of them. The lady driver is very nice. 3:30 am : We’ve beeen going in circles, the gps was trash so we relied on just the signs. Luckily we just pulled over, I’m a little bit panicked. I get a cart, one I have to pay for. It was an amazing investment but one that left me at the blink of tears. 3:40 am : I’m confused. I’m at terminal E where Qatar Airways operates but it’s ...

Sister love, I felt it the uncountable number of time you dug your very long nails into my butt tryna wake me up. I heard you call me six hundred and sixty six times or more. I sensed your footsteps on your way into my room. Yet I did not wake up, didn’t show any sign of life. When it felt like too much, I gave you a very weak yes, meaning just let me sleep. However you took it as an invitation, an invitation to start lecturing me, giving me ultimatums. “You have two options,” you said in your most stern voice. “Either you wake up by peace, or I shall evict you from that bed and throw you out God knows I can!” In a more insisting voice, I tell you I can’t do wake up. At this time I’ve run out of excuses. I had the headaches, stomach pain, PMS and I couldn’t come up with another one. On a more serious final tone, you take the covers away and leave me to fend for myself. I sleep for a while and go back to take the covers and sleep again. This, love, was not me a...

After hours of waiting, the doctor was finally able to see me. I was apprehensive of what would come next, but I entered anyways- I had no other choice. Walking was really hard for me, I wished I had wings to carry me. I couldn’t tell the psychiatrist what was going on with me, instead I made analogies about trees falling. If a tree fell in a forest, and no one was there, does it make a sound? Even better, if a tree fell in a forest and no one saw it, did it really fall? I was the tree in my monologue, and I wondered what would happen if I was no more. I had experienced imposter syndrome in highschool, and i thought i had grown used to it. I thought, it wouldn’t be as crushing as it turned out to be. Despite passing all the classes I took in the fall, it didn’t feel like an accomplishment. Instead, I braced myself for failure to hit me straight in the face. Winter break came, and everyone left for home or other more interesting things. I stayed looked in my room. When my food...

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. My name is Mwizerwa, a Kinyarwanda world for ‘trustworthy’, and I have lived it for most times. In grade 4, I was given the position of class captain because of my name and academic excellence. I despised that post, but I had no other choice but to accept it because that was what was expected of me. Things turned from bad to worse when I was punished in front of the whole class to set an example. I hated it, and I hated everything that had turned me into a class captain. The following years, I drifted away. I never participated in any school activities for fear that I would be noticed. Secondary school was no different; I had gained weight and turned into a social disaster. I had no friends, and did not feel good in my skin. I started starving myself, mainly because the food was ...

Dear mania, Thank you. Thank you for letting me discover my true self. The first time I met you, you told me I could survive on two hours of sleep. Two weeks passed, the most productive weeks I have ever had in my life. I wrote multiple college essays, finalized my agricultural project and worked on my academics. I felt I had a superpower, you were my super power, until you were not. On a Thursday evening, my head let go. You and I had used it to its farthest limit and it just couldn’t go on any more. You stayed despite that , and you taught me how to plan ahead, how to be proactive, how to be a leader. The second time I met you, you helped me make the most lasting friendships. I met new people and actually loved them. I shared part of myself I wouldn’t normally share, as a result I got part of other people too. I liked how you made me give back to the community. I mentored in two camps and had amazing trainees. I taught them how to appeal to colleges and how to be peac...

I woke up super excited. The summit is finally happening. I dressed up real fancy, and went to the Ronald Reagan building where the summit will take place at for two days. Breakfast was heavenly, however my body told me something was wrong. I ended up having a full blown mental crisis and I had to sleep through more than half the conference that day. However, I feel like I learnt a lot from the tiny half of the conference I was able to attend.  Alyssa Carson, an astronaut in training, talked about pursuing one’s passion. She said that the only reason why she got this far was because she started working on her love for space very early. One of my favorite quote from the talk is about fear; it says “fear is a figment of our imagination, it is not real. Courage is not the absense of fear, it is feeling the fear and doing it anyways.” Monique Coleman, famous from highschool musical, delivered a very emotional and powerful speech. She talked about her project that started as a failu...

There is a period of time when my sister was very sickly. She went to the hospital every weekend, and I made fun of her in that sisterly way. I told her she was a pirated/ duplicated version of a human being. Little did I know I will be in a way worse situation. It all started with a visit at MIT urgent care. I had just had a crisis in my first week of being in Cambridge.  This sounds weird whenever I tell it to people, but I’ll just drop it here: when I am tired, I cry uncontrollably. It just makes me less tired, however I come out with a horrible headache. I was on my way to MIT mental when that happened. The nurse in charge thought I probably had some trauma when I cried as she tried to listen to my breathing. Fast forward, end of freshman year.  Right after I did my last final exam. I met with my psychiatrist. To this day, he hasn’t told me if I have bipolar disorder or not; despite the fact that I have had experience that point towards it.  I take five d...

When I first saw the email inviting WiSci alumni for the girl-up summit, I was like Okay. After my favorite closest friend talked me into applying, I was like Heck yeah!!!!! I never thought I would be selected, despite that I was very honest while applying- something I learnt during college applications. I had just gotten two rejection from a jobs I had applied to, so I braced myself for more. I was elated when I received an email telling me I had been selected. After being selected, I decided to reflect a lot about female empowerment and relationships. This explains the posts I have been writing lately: the female predicament, Hi I’m a hoe, and feminism part 2. I have more upcoming posts planned about feminism and the female condition and other women stuff. I am extremely excited about the conference. In addition to being interested in women’s issues, I am planning to concentrate/minor in Women and Gender Studies (WGS).  Just like in most systems of oppressions, women h...

Being a woman is hard, it's too much work and too little pay. It is being blamed for others mistakes, and facing harsh consequences. Kanyana is a book of editions bakame written to spread HIV/AIDS  awareness. I first read the book in elementary school, grade five. Some things I didn't understand. I still remember my parents outrage when I asked them to buy it for me. Kanyana is a very beautiful name, and it reflects the character in the book. She was young, beautiful and intelligent. Those attributes ended up being her downfall. I have heard and understand the “pretty privilege” but sometimes it is also a curse. In the book; Kanyana, the main character, is off to boarding school- grade 7. On her way to school she meets a guy, who turned out to be her schoolmate. When a conversation about HIV starts in the bus, the guy - Victor- distracts her. He buys her food before they go to school and introduce her to people as a cousin. Victor is a Playboy, he uses girls and...

Fuck you, is the most powerful word I know. I was acquainted with the word at a very young age from movies. madafaka , motherfucker, was the most vile insult kids in my neighborhood use. of course we did not know what it meant. As I grew, I learnt the true meaning of the word. It was still used as an insult and a swear word. the middle finger was, and still is, a common thing. I was shown and showed people the middle finger, sometimes teasing and other times as the worst insult I could muster in the moment. Recently, I have acquired a taste in spoken word poetry. Poems always bring me to another level of being. It weaves words together into beautiful music. They explain and glorify things that are not usually celebrated. Things like suicide, depression, OCD, violence, but also love, companionship and independence. Poets use Fuck you, to relay strong emotions. Love, Heartbreak, Annoyance and many more. Every time I hear the phrase in a poem, I get goosebumps; sometimes I even ...

The problem of rape and violence against women in India and how Sayfty is working to address it. Every twenty minutes, a woman is raped in India. Most Indian women have experienced sexual assaults or domestic violence, and they don’t feel safe in public spaces. In addition to that, many cases go unreported due to the stigma attached to rape, and the painful process they have to go through to report it.  Data from the National Crime Records Bureau that shows a 240 percent increase in rape cases since the 1990s (9, Sharma; Bazilli, 2014). This situation culminated with the Gang rape of Pandey, a 23 year old woman In December 2012. She was brutally violated, and she died of her wounds a few days after the incident. This resulted into an outcry in both the national and international community. Sayfty is an organization that was created right after the horrific gang rape in December 2012. Dr. Shruti Kapoor, its founder decided to be an active bystander and do something about wh...