uMwizerwa wa Ngoboka

As the year ends, people start with the “new year new me” sayings. Something I’ve never understood. It is just the next day with a different date and in a different year. If I was to take last year as an example, it would show all this is a farce- in my reflections. December 31, 2017 was a cold and dark wintry day. I had not set foot outside in a week, had not eaten in slightly less than that time; but this is beside the point. On that day ( honestly during that period) I was a confused human being. One would say I was having an existential crisis. The first thing that perplexed me was my choice of major. Decisions weren’t due until mid April, but it felt like a dark cloud hovering on top of me. About the choice of majors, I wanted to do Mechanical engineering. Deep down, I knew it was the logical choice. However, I had doubts. What if I wanted it because it seemed to be the right path to take, what if people’s suggestions had muddled and morphed into mine? Fast forward, D...

Disclaimer: just wanna share my experience, some whining and lots of complaining will be included. Not gonna say it’s the worst experience in the world, but it’s my worst experience so far. Dec 15, 1:00 am : my alarm just went off, I don’t really want to wake up so I give myself 30 extra minutes. I still have food to eat, final stuff to pack, a shower to take and other knick knacks. 2:30 am : I just finished checking out, tears are threatening to fall. To think I won’t be back in nine months or more. I called a Lyft and I’m surprised to find it’s 2 min away. I bring down my bags painstakingly, all three of them. The lady driver is very nice. 3:30 am : We’ve beeen going in circles, the gps was trash so we relied on just the signs. Luckily we just pulled over, I’m a little bit panicked. I get a cart, one I have to pay for. It was an amazing investment but one that left me at the blink of tears. 3:40 am : I’m confused. I’m at terminal E where Qatar Airways operates but it’s ...

Sister love, I felt it the uncountable number of time you dug your very long nails into my butt tryna wake me up. I heard you call me six hundred and sixty six times or more. I sensed your footsteps on your way into my room. Yet I did not wake up, didn’t show any sign of life. When it felt like too much, I gave you a very weak yes, meaning just let me sleep. However you took it as an invitation, an invitation to start lecturing me, giving me ultimatums. “You have two options,” you said in your most stern voice. “Either you wake up by peace, or I shall evict you from that bed and throw you out God knows I can!” In a more insisting voice, I tell you I can’t do wake up. At this time I’ve run out of excuses. I had the headaches, stomach pain, PMS and I couldn’t come up with another one. On a more serious final tone, you take the covers away and leave me to fend for myself. I sleep for a while and go back to take the covers and sleep again. This, love, was not me a...

After hours of waiting, the doctor was finally able to see me. I was apprehensive of what would come next, but I entered anyways- I had no other choice. Walking was really hard for me, I wished I had wings to carry me. I couldn’t tell the psychiatrist what was going on with me, instead I made analogies about trees falling. If a tree fell in a forest, and no one was there, does it make a sound? Even better, if a tree fell in a forest and no one saw it, did it really fall? I was the tree in my monologue, and I wondered what would happen if I was no more. I had experienced imposter syndrome in highschool, and i thought i had grown used to it. I thought, it wouldn’t be as crushing as it turned out to be. Despite passing all the classes I took in the fall, it didn’t feel like an accomplishment. Instead, I braced myself for failure to hit me straight in the face. Winter break came, and everyone left for home or other more interesting things. I stayed looked in my room. When my food...

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. My name is Mwizerwa, a Kinyarwanda world for ‘trustworthy’, and I have lived it for most times. In grade 4, I was given the position of class captain because of my name and academic excellence. I despised that post, but I had no other choice but to accept it because that was what was expected of me. Things turned from bad to worse when I was punished in front of the whole class to set an example. I hated it, and I hated everything that had turned me into a class captain. The following years, I drifted away. I never participated in any school activities for fear that I would be noticed. Secondary school was no different; I had gained weight and turned into a social disaster. I had no friends, and did not feel good in my skin. I started starving myself, mainly because the food was ...

Dear mania, Thank you. Thank you for letting me discover my true self. The first time I met you, you told me I could survive on two hours of sleep. Two weeks passed, the most productive weeks I have ever had in my life. I wrote multiple college essays, finalized my agricultural project and worked on my academics. I felt I had a superpower, you were my super power, until you were not. On a Thursday evening, my head let go. You and I had used it to its farthest limit and it just couldn’t go on any more. You stayed despite that , and you taught me how to plan ahead, how to be proactive, how to be a leader. The second time I met you, you helped me make the most lasting friendships. I met new people and actually loved them. I shared part of myself I wouldn’t normally share, as a result I got part of other people too. I liked how you made me give back to the community. I mentored in two camps and had amazing trainees. I taught them how to appeal to colleges and how to be peac...

I woke up super excited. The summit is finally happening. I dressed up real fancy, and went to the Ronald Reagan building where the summit will take place at for two days. Breakfast was heavenly, however my body told me something was wrong. I ended up having a full blown mental crisis and I had to sleep through more than half the conference that day. However, I feel like I learnt a lot from the tiny half of the conference I was able to attend.  Alyssa Carson, an astronaut in training, talked about pursuing one’s passion. She said that the only reason why she got this far was because she started working on her love for space very early. One of my favorite quote from the talk is about fear; it says “fear is a figment of our imagination, it is not real. Courage is not the absense of fear, it is feeling the fear and doing it anyways.” Monique Coleman, famous from highschool musical, delivered a very emotional and powerful speech. She talked about her project that started as a failu...