uMwizerwa wa Ngoboka

Fashion therapy. I had just had an interview to be part of the student prefectural body, and was not “the chosen one.” That was sad, but I didn't care much about the position. What really broke me into pieces was that I jeopardized the only chance I had to talk to my little sister who was in another boarding school miles away. The tears blinded me as I ran to the dorms, and I cried my heart out. After giving an outlet to the rawness inside, I had to put on a mask, and that was fashion. I took a long cold shower to wash away the brokenness, and I was left more of  an empty shell. I put on my short sky blue dress that showed way too much cleavage,adorned the dark red lipstick, and contoured my bloodshot eyes with pitch black eyeliner. That evening, everyone complimented my outfit, and no one saw that I was sad, broken, and empty. Multiple times, the way I dress up reflect how I feel. When I'm happy I put on nice clothes but I don't do much of an effort. When I'm...

The comfort zone. I can't pass a day without seeing a quote or meme or picture about getting out of the comfort zone. They say that all the magical things happen out of your comfort zone, that you'll only start living once you go out of that zone. However I believe that if it was that bad, or without life or magic why would it be a “ comfort” zone? If getting out of it means compromising your comfort why would it be so celebrated? I love my comfort, and staying in my room entertaining myself is my favorite pastime. However, once in a while I make the effort, to go out of my room and see the world and people. In the past few months, I have taken various steps to try out new things, namely getting out of the so called “comfort zone”. On my second day in college, I decided to go to an international student meet up. I didn't know where we were supposed to meet from, or any of the people we were meeting with. It turned out to be one of the best evening during orient...

Tuesday, the second day of the week that passes unnoticed. It is not Monday, the universally hated day; because it is the first day of work. It also isn’t the weekend- the golden duo- that symbioses fun and resting. I am like Tuesday, the second born in my family. I am not Imfura, the first born, that also means noble. I also failed to be the last born, Bucura, that also roughly means the one who eats everything. I am in limbo, that state when you don’t actually have a defined individual role but fit into the bigger picture. Just like a week can’t exist without Tuesday, I guess my family can’t properly function without me in the picture. The only reason why I always looked forward to Tuesdays in high school was the food. Our menu was exquisite then, and my mouth would water at the sight of the food. I find joy in food, every time I get a chance to eat, my moods lighten up. I tend to have a smile plastered on my face whenever I eat. In the morning, we had doughnuts, our favorite and b...

`My first MIT rejection. One thing I have learned since my admission to MIT is that there are tons of things to apply to. I realized my MIT application for admission was one just the main door opening up to a multitude of other doors. Once I got in, I had to apply for the residence hall lottery, advising seminars, pre-orientation programs and many more. Most, if not all, of the application I did them last minute- apparently I am the queen of procrastination. Most of my MIT ventures had been successful so far. I got into my first choice pre-orientation program- Discover Mechanical Engineering. I had started the application the day it was due, and had to write five essays. At first I was not planning to apply, but was indirectly influenced by a friend. DME was her first choice too, but she didn’t get it. I fully realized how much of a privilege it was when I talked to upperclassmen- course two majors- who had been rejected from the program. The freshman evaluation essay which was l...

On a sunny Saturday afternoon, we set out to carry out the first stage of the community service challenge. By We, I mean all the participants of the critical thinking for peace camp. We were divided into groups of six or seven, and each group was given a family to visit. The families were identified by the social affairs office of the cell. I was in group eight with six other mentees. We left the village before four P.M, and headed to the village. My team and I were to visit an elderly woman called NYIRAKAMANA Stephanie. The lady had no child and lived alone. Stephanie’s home is quite a distance from the main road, a small mud covered house with a compound, a makeshift kitchen, and a small land. The chief of the agglomeration led the way, occasionally saying hello to acquaintances. As we neared her home, we started having suspicions- she didn’t seem to be home. Our doubts were confirmed when we found her door closed with a padlock. We were almost to tears as we moved back to the road...

It is 9:xx p.m, and I am sited all alone in the Athena Cluster ( Computer Lab) trying to pass -waste- time. This isn't the first time I find myself all alone. Despite the technology that enables us to communicate with people miles away in a blink of an eye, I can't find anyone to talk to. When I say talk, I mean deep conversations. It is three a.m in Kigali, home. My family and friends back home are fast sleep. I am thousands of miles away from them, and I can't reach them at this time. However, most of my friends are here, in college. Despite that I can't find anyone to talk to heart-to-heart. One, they are really busy trying to figure out what to do with all this freedom. Maybe, they're getting ready to go to late night parties they were never allowed to go to back home. The most docile ones are getting ready for classes tomorrow, doing homework, or research, or whatever university students do to get ready for lectures. Two, you can't just tell someone y...

Dear Gashora Girls Academy class of 2017, As I write this, I am in the MIT orientation. Last year at this exact time I was at home, sick. Less than a week earlier, I had a mental breakdown. The next day I was given permission to go home, and this marked the first of many trips I took home that term. I might have had a slightly different experience in the last term, but I believe I can give you some words of wisdom. Senior six (grade 12) was a frightening year for me. I was not a proactive person, and I liked​ to keep things to myself. Selling myself to a college seemed so hard for me. I had to talk to Mr John, our University counselor, do research, standardized tests, and all those things. I didn't know where to start. I was simply confused, so I stopped everything. I started the year with a 31 score in ACT practice, however, it went downhill from there. When I'm overwhelmed with multiple thing to do, I tend to freeze and not do anything at all. So I stopped ACT pract...

Bonjour, bonne après-midi, bonsoir…… Apres mure réflexion, j’ai réalisé que j’avais fait une grave erreur- abandonner mon blog et mes lecteurs. Oui, j’avais deux livres à écrire et m’apprêter à aller à l’université. Peut-être que j’ai paniqué. Je pensais que je serai consommée par les études et autres chose. Ça fait une semaine que j’ai arrivé à boston, MIT. Nous sommes encore dans l’orientation, malgré tout cela, écrire me manque. J’espérai faire partie des ‘MIT Bloggeurs’ mais je n’ai pas été à la hauteur. Alors je devrais trouver des nouveaux moyens pour écrire. J’ai vraiment cherché diverses opportunités mais rien ne mesurai à ce que j’avais déjà. Après avoir réalisé que je tournée en rond, je décide de raviver mon blog. Alors, soyez prêt pour les nouvelles entrées. J’espère que vous allez avoir un bon moment en les lisant

Almost a year ago, I started this blog. My first blog, learn from your friend's mistakes, was written after a particularly traumatizing night. I experienced extreme pain in the night of the twenty fifth of August last year. During that night, I realised I had been overworking myself for naught. College did matter, National exams did matter; however my life mattered more. I had no valid reason to neglect my mental and physical well-being. I wanted the whole world to know, most especially my peers, that all these things we sweat for are just vanity and chasing after the wind. I chased after the wind too. I studied too hard and forgot life was not just about academics. It was also about sitting next to my best friends and cracking jokes. It meant going to ask for food in the break time and enjoying that exquisiteness. Life is all about creating memories, making lasting bonds. That is something I learned a little late, but not too late. A few months prior, I had distanced myself from...

La naissance et la mort, La tristesse et la joie, L’amour et la haine, Le pardon et la rancœur. C’est la vie, c’est la vie. Elle n’est pas parfaite Mais, elle est assez bonne. On ne peut pas tout avoir, Mais on n’a le nécessaire. C’est la vie, c’est la vie Elle peut tout donner, Et elle peut tout reprendre. Sucrée ou amer, On l’aime toujours. C’est la vie, c’est la vie. Elle te fera peur, Elle te fera pleurer. Elle te donnera sourire, Elle te donnera courage. C’est la vie, c’est la vie. Dans toutes ses défauts, Dans toutes ses souffrances, Accepte-la sans crainte. Tu trouveras la paix, Tu trouveras l’amour.

In the summer of 2015, I attended the first of its kind WiSci STEAM camp. It brought together girls from eight different African countries and the USA. It was a three weeks long intensive camp aimed at inspiring and encouraging girls to join the STEAM fields. We were taught multiple things from Microsoft, Intel, and other companies and people. We were expected to come up with a final project that used the knowledge we had acquired to solve the problems in our society. In the last weekend, we went for a trip in the Akagera National park. The trip was super amazing. However, I was very anxious. I had no team for the final project and no idea of what I wanted to make. However, I was fed up with the transportation system. Only recently, they had introduced big buses we referred to as “zonda.” These buses were a total pain; because they packed us up like potatoes. There was no breathing room, and I am pretty sure they exceeded the number of people indicated on the insurance. I had to fin...

On the twenty first of April 2017, I turned nineteen. I also accepted the offer of admission to Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). I had received the acceptance letter four months ago, on the fifteenth of December at Tau time. I had put in a lot of efforts and energy in my application. I loved  joking that I will put so many amazing things in my application that the admission officers would have no other choice but  to accept me. I had taken multiple videos to submit with my portfolio- which I ended up not adding to the portfolio. I wrote a poem putting together my love of science and fashion. I secretly think it was one of the reasons I was admitted. On pie day, the regular admissions decisions were released, and consequently the platform to respond to the admission decision was opened. I didn't respond right away, even though I knew my answer would be yes anyways. After being admitted to MIT, I never bothered to apply to any other college or university. For one,i...

The leaves have fallen The day has started But the sun hasn't risen. The cold wind makes me tremble The stench makes me grumble But the pain around me is defeaning So much agony So much pain In this dark place Death is common occurrence Loss has become a habit But hope keep us awake Doctors are running all around Tryna save just one more person But the time is running out

Dear class of 2021, A few months ago, we individually received letters that would change the course of the next four years of our lives and even more- letters of admission to colleges and Universities. Subsequently, a kindred soul decided to create this group- a WhatsApp group. It was to be the birth of a new community, new friendships and relationships. I was added in the first round, introductions were made, jokes were cracked, etc. I, with my eternal apprehension to large groups of people- even virtual ones, kept quiet. I told myself I would do the intro tomorrow, until It was no longer something I aspired to do.  So I resigned myself to being a "lurker". I learned to know a number of you, your perks and quirks, your style and so much more. Selfishly, I never gave any part of me. A number of you may know me as the "MIT" girl, and others, we spent three years of highschool together, yet some completely ignore my existence, but it's no big deal- I didn...

I was the lost sheep But you called my name. Je sombrais dans les ténèbres Mais tu as été Mon etincelle Nari ngiye kugwa mu rwobo Ariko wamfashe akaboko You took me into fertile lands And let me drink the water of Life Tu m'as emmener vers la Lumiére Et tu as chassée Les esprit noirs Wanyoboye mu nzira y' ubugingo Urinda intambwe zanjye ngo ntatsikira nkagwa

We all have our inner demons, screaming to be let out. They taunt us. Scratch our consciousness. They make us question so many things, even our own existence. We don't like our demons though, and we definitely don't want to let them out. However a time comes when we can't just cover them up and hope their screams won't echo. I have my own personal demons. They whisper to me at night. So soft a murmur I barely acknowledge them. They tell me that I am not enough. They make me question my relevance on Earth. My little heart desperate for significance breaks over and over again. I end up listening to the voice whispering late in the night, for I don't know what else to do. In the summer of last year- fancy way to say second term- I followed my demons. I let them roam free in my mind. I was overwhelmed with the things I had to do. I had always depended on my own efforts. I knew I could make things work out. I studied hard and got good grades. I never really bothered...

I was the weird one Fat and Ugly Yet you came to me I had no riches Real or virtual Yet you stayed with me You were not afraid of what lay ahead Young and hopeful It was us against the world But the time came And our paths diverged I was the quiet​ one Intelligent and book crazy Yet you came to me. I had no other friends, Real or virtual Yet you stayed with me You were not afraid of my loneliness Instead you welcomed in your world Your friends became mine But the time came And our paths diverged I was lost With no Identity Yet you came to me I belonged nowhere Real or virtual Yet you stayed with me You were not afraid of my pessimism Instead you brought sunshine to my world Together we conquered darkness But the time will come And our paths will diverge. The distance will be long The time apart unbearable But home is where the heart lies And you are my home, Closest to my heart. ....................................... This is dedicated to m...

I don't usually react as expected when good or bad things happen to me. I tend to tell myself that it was meant to be, and this , sometimes, stops me from taking things at their exact value. For example, I didn't scream out loud when I got perfect scores in national exams in primary, ordinary level or advanced level. I didn't know what to do when I received my admission to MIT, so I gave thanks to the Lord and went back to sleep. I grew up as a reserved child, who liked to live inside her head- and I still do. It has always been difficult for me to express how I felt sometimes. Maybe it was because I got grounded on multiple occasions for talking too much. It may have also been caused by my lack of communication skills, because I couldn't relate with what my classmates passed through. I am very thankful for my academic excellence. Since a tender age, my parents told me that I was very intelligent, and this made me proud. When I started school, I got amazing grades....

I was denied the right to vote For years I could not speak for myself I was underestimated My light was blocked It could not shine. I believed in my power I fought for my rights My voice was heard And I conquered, I am a sovereign. Many wonder who I am They ask themselves how I came to be I am an ocean of mysteries A tornado of strength A forest full of resources I am a WOMAN Wealthy Outlandish Magnificent Ambitious Noble That's who I am.

I learnt what STEAM meant two years ago, when I attended the WiSci (women in science) camp in the summer of 2015. I was super excited; because, it combined everything I loved. Math has been my love since a very tender age, although neither my older brother nor sister was fond of it.  I was amazed by how science can answer many questions about how the world works.  Technological advances had provided us with lots of practical inventions making the world more connected. Finally engineering is the thread holding all of these together, by creating awesome things for us to use. I was just a small five year old playing with children in the neighborhood when my interest in STEAM was sparked. We were playing with a catapult, and I was intrigued at how a stick and rubber band can make something so functional. I did not know it then, but I fell in love with making things at that instant. Since then I have worked on various project involving making things.  For example, I designed...

The sun refused to shine, The moon did not rise, All around was dark, I struggle to find a flicker of hope, But despair weights me down. I can't run, I am bound in one position. I try to scream, But my mouth is gagged. I look up; A dark weight is above me. Nothing is left for me, All I can do is wait for death. My final rest and peacefulness.

Yesterday, on the fourth of July, Rwanda celebrated it's liberation. Twenty three years ago, the Rwandan Patriotic Front (RPF) conquered Kigali and stopped the Tutsi Genocide. The Genocide had started three months prior, triggered by the crash of president Juvenal Habyarimana's plane. On that day, April 6th 1994, all hell broke loose. Rwandans killed Rwandans. Parents their children, husbands their wives, children their parents. Humanity was no longer part of our vocabulary. So many people's lives were destroyed then. Around a million Tutsis and sympathizing Hutus were killed, but many more lost themselves during that period. Despite the monstrosity that occurred then, Rwanda rose from the ashes. We did what most people considered impossible. All fields are growing fast thanks to good governance. The government of unity tried real hard to foster unity and reconciliation through various programs like Gacaca. Rwandans were urged to forgive and ask for forgiveness. However, ...

Little me was a sweet child She thought the world was a good place She thought a smile and a helping hand were common place But the world was not a good place And smiles turned into frowns Little me played by the rules She asked for permission for anything She respected everyone and anyone But the world never played fair And she had to learn new tricks Little me loved to talk to people She told them her joys and sorrows She told them her dreams and aspirations But the people didn't care about what she said And she turned into a quiet girl Little me loved to sing She learned lyrics of her favorite songs by heart She sang songs to whoever was around But nobody cared about her voice And she decided to stop singing Little me was a voracious eater She ate anything served on a plate But the food got her fat And fat was not beautiful apparently Little me was a chubby child She received multiple compliments She was told she would grow up to be like her mother...

On the first Sunday of February 2014, I became a Gashora girl.  Less than a week prior to that, I received my admission to Gashora Girls Academy of Science and Technology (GGAST). I had had a perfect score in the national exams, and had a place in two other schools: Ecole des Sciences de Byimana and Cornerstone Leadership Academy. To be honest, I didn’t like Ecole des Sciences; I had chosen it because of parental pressure. It was the "best school” in the country, and I deserved nothing but the best- according to my parents. However, I studied my ordinary level at a neighboring school, Groupe Scolaire Notre Dame de Lourdes Byimana, which happened to be its rival. I grew to despise the school, and had learnt many horror stories about it- like the student abuse, duly named as instilling discipline. In addition, it seemed to be the stereotypical "all work and no play" kind of school. I loved the cornerstone leadership Academy. I had sweated to get admitted there, for I had d...

The darkness enveloped me I labored to breath I struggled to take a little air in But my lungs failed​ me. The deafening silence frightened me, I tried to ask for help Screaming for dear life But my voice failed me The nothingness overwhelmed me I scrambled​ for a handhold, I attempted​ to climb up, But my hands failed​ me. All I heard was the echo, My heartbeat calling on to me My shallow breath murmuring back My frail hand scrambling on. All I needed​ was just one breath All I craved​ for was just one sound All I wanted​ was just a little strength Just one more chance. A chance to live A chance to talk A chance to move A chance to be  Closing my eyes I call upon my inner strength I let my inner self so the work And I know I will be fine. Letting my legs lead me I walk towards salvation I let my heart do the work And I know I will be fine Opening wide my eyes, I see a whisper of light I let my sight guide me And I know I will be fine Al...

One day, I had to go to the US Embassy. I left home planning to wait for the bus that would take me to the Remera bus park. As I reached the main road, I saw a bus coming and I was elated. I knew I would have to rush so that I could catch it. The bus passed by me towards the bus stop. I decided to run to increase my chances of reaching the bus before it drove off. Despite all the efforts I put in, and the sacrifices I made; the bus drove off without me. I was boiling with anger. How could they leave me! I was just a few steps away. I had gone against my principles and run after a bus, which is kind of a shame. I knew that the next bus would come after close to an hour, even though going there on foot takes a little more than a half hour. I had three other options. One is to take a bike, it is a little bit more expensive than taking the bus, but also more accident prone. The other one was taking a bicycle, but I have a dark fear of bicycles. The only option worth considering was walking...

1. They came to us running Lusting over our brains The pocketful of vegetables So slow yet so strong Full of savagery It couldn’t be compared So, we had to choose: Fight or flight Help or denial The weak or the strong. We wait for the weak And we lose ourselves We leave them behind, And we lose them forever. A dilemma Who to save? Who to leave? This was inspired from a debate motion saying," in case of a Zombie attack, do we wait for the weak" 2. Standing in front of us, They hold our brains Filling them up Opening them up All these new words The insane concepts The beauty of what lies ahead Quickly scribbling new teachings As if they were scriptures We seek to express But we are impressed How does someone know so much? This should be illegal Either way, it isn’t That’s where the beauty lies Written when I visited the beginner's class during the dreamers camp 2016

I passed by my church and a funeral service was taking place. I did not know the deceased, but I still felt a piercing pain deep inside of me. As I walked by, they were singing 'aheza mu ijuru roughly translating to "the beautiful place heaven". This song is typical for funerals, to the extent of being weird when sung for other occasions. More than two people die each day, according to Statistics, yet I was directly acquainted with death at age sixteen. Yes, I had a cousin who passed away when I was little, but I barely remember her. And in the occurrence of the 1994 genocide, I might have lost family, but I do not know them, and neither was I told their stories. In primary, a very close friend lost his mother, and then his father; but we couldn't really comprehend what it meant. He was happy he could skip school and play ball. The first person I lost was my maternal grandmother. She died in October of 2014. The funeral took place on a Monday, and I was doing...

Topic: The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you have experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? I was a shadow. I walked, but I was not seen. What people saw in me was the outside shell. They saw a girl who was not affected by stressful moments, a girl with perfect grades, and even though she was not that social, it was fine. But no one really saw the troubled girl with a mind full of turmoil, a heart full of darkness and a future full of nothing. Sometimes, I would force myself to smile so that no one would see the wars going on in my mind. In reality, I did not remember how to be happy. One can wonder what brought the wars in my mind. Sometimes, In the middle of the night when I awoke with a start, I would wonder what turned me into the shell of a person I had become. It had started in the last days of February. I had panic attacks for no reason at all, and sometimes...

"I am afraid to tell you who I am, because, if I tell you who I am you may not like it; and it's all I have." John Powell  My answer to this would be that I was never taught to own up and tell people who I really am. To understand this, you will need to understand my culture and where I come from. Rwanda is one of the few countries with a single culture and language. We consider Rwanda as one extended big family. You wouldn't pass by someone without saying hello, even if that person is a total stranger. And of course they will respond with a smile. Parents look after everyone's child, and in general everyone is friendly. Nevertheless, beyond that aura of friendliness lies something else. I like to call Rwandans " hypocrites ", and this is not in a negative way. Rwandans are a reserved people and like their business to be kept secret. At a very young age principles of decorum are drilled in us. When someone says " bite ?" Hi how are you? Yo...

I come from my mother's love and father's sacrifices From my sister's confidence and brother's guidance And from the family diners that brought us closer together I come from the chubby cheeks I had when I was five From the skinned knee when I fell running toward my nanny in kindergarten And from the multiple drawings we colored with my classmates I come from telling strangers the meal we just had From the excitement to learn the lyrics of one West Life song And from the many hide and seek games I played in the neighbourhood I come from going off to boarding school at age thirteen From the fear I had to mingle with my age mates And from the many breakfasts I skipped that same year I come from the Gashora girls sisterhood that bonded us together From the meals I brought to my bunk bed mate when she was struck with Malaria And from the the sleepless nights spent mastering integration by parts I come from grabbing opportunities at any chances From the extr...

I identify as an introvert. This is defined by some as the state of being predominantly interested in one's mental life. The introverted person is totally drained in social situations and in order to refill their energy need to find solitude. On multiple occasions, I found it difficult to bond socially with people. When I was young, I considered it as a curse. I hated myself for this, and at times considered myself as friendless. To cherry tip the cake, I grew up physically faster than kids my age. In grade four, I was slightly taller and way fatter than my classmates. This made me feel bad all day, luckily, I was a day schooler. I could leave all these worries to school and come home to be filled up with family love. To fill up the void of lack of constant human interaction with my classmates, I concentrated on the academics. I excelled. I graduated top of my class in primary, and moved on to secondary school. As I started a new part of my life and education, things got harder....

It has been three weeks since I received the admission decision. It was on the fifteenth of December at 6:28 pm Eastern time. For those fond of Math you might have noticed that it was at two pi (3.14*2). Due to the time zones, I received the decision at 1:28 a.m. the next day. A month and a half ago, I finalised my application to Massachusetts Institute of Technology- the world leading university in STEM. After multiple essay edits, portfolio creation and video taking I was ready. I can call my application a leap of faith. The acceptance rate was less than eight per cent, and all the people who had applied from my school had not been admitted. I believed in myself though, and the non-restrictive early action application system inspired me. I avoided binding myself too much to the institution, for I did not want a heartache the moment the decision came. On multiple occasions, I build many backup plans and created schools of my dreams despite the fact that my dream school was MIT. I al...